5 Phrases I would like to use today!

1.-"Because I'm black, you think I did it?"
2.-"Can I make a statement? Your mouthwash ain't makin' it!"
3.-"I hope your "HOBO-STAB INSURANCE" is paid up."
4.-"You have no idea what you will agree to until you are on fire!"
5.-"GREAT! Now I can finally get hepatitis!"

5 Things That Happened to me on my First "Moon Lighting" Shift in a Small Rural E.R.

1. Truck fire on the Turnpike made me really late.
2. Locked my keys, scrub top, and lab coat in my car.
3. Heroin Overdose
4. Respitory Failure
5. Slept the last half of the shift.

5 Reasons it is better to be a 2nd Year Resident:

1. No more "House Officer" shifts
2. 1 less ER shift per month
3. $80.00 per month raise
4. 1 year closer to "GOOD" parking at the hospital
5. A new crop in Interns to distract the Attending Physicians

5 Common ER Abbreviations

1. FLK - Funny Looking Kid
2. TDTF - Too Drunk To Fish
3. FDGB - Fall Down Go Boom
4. FURB - Fucked Up Real Bad
5. TNTC - Too Numerous To Count - (Complaints) - Otherwise known as - I didn't have anything better to do than come to the Emergency Room today!

5 More Reasons I Hate Being House Officer

1. Spending all night waiting for a nurse to call and tell me they have screwed something up and expect me to fix it.
2. They don't serve food after 7:30- and the house officer refrigerator is empty.
3. I'm ready to go home and I still have 1 1/2 hours to go...
4. Did I mention the nurses piss me off?
5. I'll probably waste the better part of my day off sleeping.

5 Reasons I Hate Being House Officer

1. It's boring.
2. I can't sleep at the hospital.
3. The nurses call for ridiculous things on people who are doing O.K., but don't pay attention to the ones who are trying their best to die.
4. The nurses don't do what you tell them to.
5. No one knows if their patient is a DNR until they have either been unresponsive for over an hour or you have been coding them for at least 15 minutes.

5 Things a Drunk Man Said to Me Yesterday

1. "White people drink Listerine, black people drink whiskey!"
2. "OH BABY, that feels good!" - during his rectal exam!
3. "I like pain, why don't you get some blood from my ankle?"
4. "Obama's the next president and you are on your way out!"
5. "NAH, I won't cut your head off, I can't even kill a squirrel no more!"

My first list

Five things that irritate me about being off service.
1. Snide comments about the ER
2. Being "one upped" by the upper level resident
3. Being forced to go to Grand Rounds at lunch
4. Listening to long lectures about subjects that don't interest me
5. Staying all day with nothing to do- but you can't leave just in case something happens